Miles to Go
by talldarkandsexy
Summary: After receiving a short phone call from Angel, Buffy gets on a bus to a small 24-hour café somewhere in between Sunnydale and L.A. She meets Angel to talk, but can she tell him about where she was? Or does everything that has happened between them make i
1. A Journey of Thought

**Title:** Miles to Go  
  
**Author:** talldarkandsexy  
  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters I use in this story. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, WB etc. (Believe me, if I owned these characters, it would be unlikely that I was posting them on )  
  
**Spoilers:** End of Season 5, beginning of Season 6. And a little of the end of Season 2.  
  
**Pairings:** Buffy/Angel  
  
**Rating:** PG  
  
**Set:** After the end of Season 6 episode "Flooded". Buffy receives a phone call from Angel at the end of that episode, and rushes off immediately.  
  
**Summary:** After receiving a short phone call from Angel, Buffy gets on a bus to a small 24-hour café somewhere in between Sunnydale and L.A. She meets Angel to talk, but can she tell him about where she was? Or does everything that has happened between them make it too hard?  
  
**Authors Note:** Although Buffy and Angel said they had to see each other in both the shows (BtVS & AtS), they never actually showed what happened, so I decided to write my version of it.

**Miles to Go**

****  
**Chapter 1  
**  
_Miles to go.  
_  
Buffy thought about the conversation she had with Faith just over two years ago. It made more sense now than it did then. Well, as much sense as anything in her life.  
  
After her rather abrupt departure from Sunnydale, leaving her sister, her watcher and her friends, Buffy had got on a public bus which went to Los Angeles. But that was not where she was going.  
  
A short and intense phone call from Angel, a man from her past, had shaken her up, but left her with the feeling that, for some reason, she had to see him again. They were to meet in one of those dinky little cafés by the side of the road, in the middle of nowhere.  
  
This bus journey had been long and uneventful, but Buffy had welcomed it gladly, as it gave her time to dwell on her thoughts. Something that she had not been able to do recently, because she had spent all of her time trying to be cheerful and happy so her friends and Dawn didn't worry. She couldn't do that to her friends because she loved them so much and wanted them to be happy.  
  
Peace. It had been the first time she had ever truly felt at peace with herself. When she was in heaven. She remembered everything so clearly. She remembered standing at the top of the tower, watching the sun rise in the sky, leading the way up to heaven; how clear everything was and how simple. She knew what she had to do, so she said her final words and sacrificed herself for her sister, her friends and for the world.  
  
Heaven was the happiest she had ever felt. There was no pain, no fear, no doubt, no suffering. She had felt wanted and loved, and appreciated for the first time ever, for all the things she had done for humanity and for the world.  
  
But it had all changed so quickly. After a moment of perfect happiness, she was suddenly ripped back into darkness, unable to breathe or think. Trapped, and alone, Buffy had realised her worst fear, and was trapped inside her own coffin. Ripping through the silk lining of the coffin that she was in, she punched her way through the lid and dug her way out of the ground. Breathing heavily and covered in earth, she remembered looking around the dark forest, not knowing where she was.  
  
Then she saw her own gravestone. Her name and the little message carved out in the steel grey, cold, stone shot out at her and the realisation that she had been expelled from heaven hit her like sharp knives. She could never go back there, back to paradise.  
  
Walking down the streets of Sunnydale, trying to figure out why she was had suddenly been ripped out heaven, was difficult. It was different than how she remembered, for blazing fire was filling the roads and the shops and cars were trashed and in disarray. She couldn't see properly, and to hear any kind of sound was unbearable. And the thought had crossed her mind. Was this Hell? Had she been expelled from Heaven and delivered to Hell?  
  
As the day was turning into night, and Buffy was still staring out of the bus window. Maybe the time alone was a little too much. Ever since she had got back, she had felt lonely and just wanted someone to talk to. She had told Spike more than she had told her friends, but that wasn't enough. She needed someone who she trusted and who really understand what she had gone through.  
  
But who possibly could understand?


	2. Lost in my Mind

**Title:** Miles to Go  
  
**Author:** talldarkandsexy  
  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters I use in this story. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, WB etc. (Believe me, if I owned these characters, it would be unlikely that I was posting them on )  
  
**Spoilers:** End of Season 5, beginning of Season 6. And a little of the end of Season 2.  
  
**Pairings:** Buffy/Angel  
  
**Rating:** PG  
  
**Set:** After the end of Season 6 episode "Flooded". Buffy receives a phone call from Angel at the end of that episode, and rushes off immediately.  
  
**Summary:** After receiving a short phone call from Angel, Buffy gets on a bus to a small 24-hour café somewhere in between Sunnydale and L.A. She meets Angel to talk, but can she tell him about where she was? Or does everything that has happened between them make it too hard?  
  
**Authors Note:** Although Buffy and Angel said they had to see each other in both the shows (BtVS & AtS), they never actually showed what happened, so I decided to write my version of it.

**Chapter 2  
**  
Buffy looked dejectedly around the bus, at the other passengers. A mother with her baby playing and laughing, a young couple so clearly in love, two teenage girls chatting and giggling every so often. Was it just her? She felt so alone and cut off from everyone else in the world. It was just too much.  
  
As the tears formed in her eyes, Buffy turned back to look out of the window, at the empty fields rushing by. That, Buffy felt, was her life. Just outsized empty fields, with nothing growing in them; no new life.  
  
The bus came to a stop, and Buffy came back to reality. Wearily, she picked up her jacket and bag, and got off the bus, thanking the unconcerned driver.  
  
She stood in front of the small café taking it all in, and with a sigh, she walked inside through the revolving door.  
  
Soft 50s style music was playing in the background from a 50s style music box. A few people were scattered throughout the café, some alone, some not. Buffy made her way over to the counter and sat down on one of the high stools.  
  
"Can I get you anythin?" asked the waitress behind the counter. "Uh ..." said Buffy, who was lost in her own thought and hadn't really heard the question properly. "Um, I'll just have a cup of tea, thank you."  
  
The waitress smiled and busied herself with making the tea. The door of the café opened and Buffy looked round hopefully in case it was Angel. She could see it wasn't, as a young couple entered the café and Buffy watched them sadly as they sat down, full of happiness and oblivious to the rest of the world. The waitress handed Buffy the tea and went off to serve the young couple.  
  
She supposed that Angel wouldn't make an appearance until dark, and now the sun was still setting. Sighing Buffy turned back to her tea, staring at it, losing herself in her thoughts again. 


	3. An Angel from the Past

**Title:** Miles to Go  
  
**Author:** talldarkandsexy  
  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters I use in this story. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, WB etc. (Believe me, if I owned these characters, it would be unlikely that I was posting them on )  
  
**Spoilers:** End of Season 5, beginning of Season 6. And a little of the end of Season 2.  
  
**Pairings:** Buffy/Angel  
  
**Rating:** PG  
  
**Set:** After the end of Season 6 episode "Flooded". Buffy receives a phone call from Angel at the end of that episode, and rushes off immediately.  
  
**Summary:** After receiving a short phone call from Angel, Buffy gets on a bus to a small 24-hour café somewhere in between Sunnydale and L.A. She meets Angel to talk, but can she tell him about where she was? Or does everything that has happened between them make it too hard?  
  
**Authors Note:** Although Buffy and Angel said they had to see each other in both the shows (BtVS & AtS), they never actually showed what happened, so I decided to write my version of it.

**Chapter 3**  
  
As the day quickly turned into night, there was still no sign of Angel. 'Maybe he had been held up?' she thought, 'Or maybe he had to go and fight some demon or something? Or maybe he didn't want to see me?'  
  
The hours went by, and café started to empty, even though it was one of hose 24 hour places. Soon, it was just Buffy and another couple.  
  
"Betcha thought I wasn't gonna turn up, huh?" said a voice from behind her. She knew that voice, and smiled, as she turned round.  
  
"The thought had crossed my mind." she said standing up to face him.  
  
Angel. He hadn't changed much. Still gorgeous and able to mesmerize her with his warm, brown eyes. He was standing there with his hands in his coat pocket, smiling at her.  
  
"Hey Buffy. How are you doing?"  
  
"Oh ... well ... you know. Been dead. Not a whole lot of fun."  
  
"Yeah, I know." He identified strongly with Buffy, as he had also gone through the dying trauma and come back. From Hell. But he could see that Buffy was not OK. He knew that she was trying to be brave, but something was obviously bothering her and he could see it in her eyes.  
  
"Well, we should go and sit down." said Buffy, motioning towards a table in the corner.  
  
As she was going to sit down, Angel pulled her towards him for a hug. Although surprised, Buffy hugged him back, comforted in his warm embrace, something that she had not felt for a long time. It was his way of letting her know that he was happy that she was back and that he was there for her if she needed him. When he let go of her and sat down, she realized how much she missed him and how much she needed someone to talk to right now.  
  
The two of them talked for hours. Everyone else in the cafe had gone home and there was only the odd person coming in for a quick cup of tea. Buffy told Angel of her latest crisis with bills and money and how she had no income to support Dawn. Angel told her what was happening at Angel Investigations and their trip to Pylea. They weren't really talking about anything in particular, just catching up on the latest issues and enjoying the company of each other. Buffy remembered how easy she had always found it to talk to Angel about her worries. And he would always listen.  
  
After talking for ages, they both fell silent and were contented to sit there silently with each other.  
  
"Buffy," said Angel quietly, "Are we going to talk about ... where you were?"  
  
"I ... have no idea."  
  
"'Cause you know you can talk to me, right? You can tell me anything and I'll still ... I won't care."  
  
Feeling the tears form in her eyes, she said "It's – It's just ... hard."  
  
"I realize that. I mean, I went through it too, remember?"  
  
Buffy looked down as she remembered how she had killed Angel over 3 years ago. She had sacrificed Angel and everything that she loved to save the world. He had then been trapped in a Hell dimension for 100 years, suffering eternal torment, until he found his way back to earth. To Buffy. And he had returned as a vicious animal, only reverting to his former self when he met Buffy.  
  
Realizing that now was not the time to bring the past back up, Angel said, "But anyway, I know it must have been hard trapped in a Hell ... wherever you were."  
  
Buffy said, careful not to meet his eyes, "Yeah. It was difficult. But, you know, I got out. My friends pulled me out."  
  
"And I'm sure they're very happy to have you back. But the important thing is that you're home and you can put that Hell dimension behind you. You can –"  
  
"Forget?"  
  
Placing his hand on top of hers, he said, "No, not forget. But move on. It's what I did."  
  
"I – I can't ..." Buffy said, fighting not to cry.  
  
"You can, Buffy. You've got a world of strength in your heart. You just have to find it again."  
  
"I can't do this!" she cried, ripping her hand away from his. "I'm – I'm sorry, Angel."  
  
She stood, tears streaming down her face and ran out of the café, leaving Angel behind.  
  
How could she tell anyone that she had been in Heaven? And that they had ripped her out of there, placing her back in a world of suffering and pain? 


	4. You can tell me anything

**Title:** Miles to Go  
  
**Author:** talldarkandsexy  
  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters I use in this story. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, WB etc. (Believe me, if I owned these characters, it would be unlikely that I was posting them on )  
  
**Spoilers:** End of Season 5, beginning of Season 6. And a little of the end of Season 2.  
  
**Pairings:** Buffy/Angel  
  
**Rating:** PG  
  
**Set:** After the end of Season 6 episode "Flooded". Buffy receives a phone call from Angel at the end of that episode, and rushes off immediately.  
  
**Summary:** After receiving a short phone call from Angel, Buffy gets on a bus to a small 24-hour café somewhere in between Sunnydale and L.A. She meets Angel to talk, but can she tell him about where she was? Or does everything that has happened between them make it too hard?  
  
**Authors Note:** Although Buffy and Angel said they had to see each other in both the shows (BtVS & AtS), they never actually showed what happened, so I decided to write my version of it.

**Chapter 4  
**  
Buffy stood outside the café, hugging her coat around her, and tears pouring down her face. 'Maybe this was a bad idea,' she thought. But she wanted to tell Angel where she had been and she wanted him to put his arms around her and tell her everything would be all right. She sighed through her tears, a whisp of condensation coming from her mouth. It was cold, and she had nowhere to go; no way to get home. The next bus back to Sunnydale didn't arrive until 5:00am. That was still 5 and a half hours away.  
  
"Where are you going?" asked Angel behind her. "'Cause it doesn't look like there's anywhere to go around here."  
  
"I can't ..." she whispered, not turning round.  
  
"You can tell me. You can tell me anything."  
  
When Buffy still said nothing, Angel got annoyed. Striding up close behind her, he yelled, "God dammit, just tell me about where you were! Tell me about the Hell dimension you were trapped in! Tell me the torture and trauma you went through! I can help you! I went through the same too, remember?!"  
  
Angel stumbled backwards, shocked at what he yelled at Buffy and shocked at the fact that he had yelled at Buffy.  
  
"You have no idea what it was like for me," said Buffy coldly and quietly, her back still turned away.  
  
"What? I was trapped in Hell, too, rememb-"  
  
"BUT YOU DESERVED IT!" shouted Buffy, turning round to face him. She was so angry, not with him, but with herself. She couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes, because she knew there was a look of deep hurt on his face.  
  
Shocked, he strided up to Buffy, taking a firm hold of her by the shoulders. "You know, all I heard was that you were alive and so I wanted to come and see you to try and help you! 'Cause I went through the same thing as you. I got sent to Hell. I suffered unbearable torment. And I found my way back. So did you; you did the exact same things as me! And here I am, trying my best! But it seems like that's not good enough for you, although we both went to Hell!"  
  
"SHUT UP!" screamed Buffy. Not realizing her own strength, she hit Angel in the chest, sending him falling to the ground. And that did it.  
  
She looked at the man she once loved, sprawled out on the ground before her, not believing that she had lost her temper at him. But now she felt all the tension flowing away, but being replaced with helplessness. She had thought that everything was ok; that she was coping with being expelled from Heaven. But everything was not ok. And here was the proof in front of her.  
  
Zoning out of reality, Buffy collapsed to her knees, still looking helplessly at Angel. Her eyes were dry, although she had been crying a few minutes ago. But now she couldn't cry. It was beyond crying.  
  
Angel looked up at Buffy staring at him in shock. He saw into her heart, just like he had always done. Something – something much worse – had happened. Buffy had been keeping this thing locked up inside, and it was slowly killing her. And then he realized.  
  
"Buffy," he whispered, crawling over to her. But she didn't hear him.  
  
She felt him touch her face, a touch which she remembered and knew well. A touch which was so soft and gentle, it sent a spark spiralling down to her heart.  
  
Tilting her head upwards, Angel managed to get her eyes to meet his. And she could see the love and the warmth in them.  
  
"Buffy," he said quietly, "You weren't ... you weren't in Hell ... were you?" Seeing her eyes look down to the ground, he knew that he was right. "Were you in ... a good place?" he asked her delicately.  
  
Bringing her eyes back up to meet his, she couldn't help it anymore. When the tears started pouring down Buffy's face, soaking into his hand, he put his arms around her, holding her tightly.  
  
Finally finding someone who she could pour her heart out to, someone who she could tell the truth to, she collapsed into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably. He stroked her long blonde hair gently, silently reassuring her that he was there and that he was going anywhere.  
  
Buffy pushed herself up from Angel's lap to look at his face. She could see the pain and sadness mixed with his love for her. Then, she closed her eyes, feeling the last few tears leaking out of her eyes, thinking about all that had happened.  
  
She felt Angel press a kiss softly on her forehead, and then another one on her nose. Taken aback, she felt his lips gently brush against hers, soft and comforting. Just how she remembered. Placing a hand on Angel's cheek, she looked straight into his eyes.  
  
"Yes," she whispered, "I was. I was in Heaven." 


	5. Do you ever question your life?

**Title: **Miles to Go

**Author: **talldarkandsexy

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters I use in this story. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, WB etc. (Believe me, if I owned these characters, it would be unlikely that I was posting them on )

**Spoilers: **End of Season 5, beginning of Season 6. And a little of the end of Season 2.

**Pairings: **Buffy/Angel

**Rating: **PG

**Set: **After the end of Season 6 episode "Flooded". Buffy receives a phone call from Angel at the end of that episode, and rushes off immediately.

**Summary:** After receiving a short phone call from Angel, Buffy gets on a bus to a small 24-hour café somewhere in between Sunnydale and L.A. She meets Angel to talk, but can she tell him about where she was? Or does everything that has happened between them make it too hard?

**Authors Note: **Although Buffy and Angel said they had to see each other in both the shows (BtVS & AtS), they never actually showed what happened, so I decided to write my version of it.

**Chapter 5**

They sat in the back seat of Angel's car, talking and still upset, but happier now that they had cleared the air between them. Buffy had her arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly, her head settled comfortably on his chest.

"It was the happiest I'd ever felt," she said, "I was surrounded by everyone that I ever loved. Mom ... Dad ... and they were happy. And they were together. And I was finally at peace with myself. Throughout my life, there's always been ... conflict, deep down inside of me. In heaven, I was rewarded and ... thanked for all the work I had done on earth as the Slayer. And I no longer had the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was free. It was someone else's responsibility."

"How long were you there for?" asked Angel.

"I don't know. Time didn't matter at all. It was supposed to be eternity. Spike said I was gone for 147 days. It felt a lot longer."

They were silent for a few minutes. Then Buffy said slowly:

"I remember ... you – you were there. Right by my side. And you loved me with all your heart. And I loved you too. And we were together. And happy. Perfectly ... happy."

Angel was quiet. He remembered how much Buffy had loved him. And how he had broken her heart. He was still so sorry for what he did to her, and felt guilty. All the time.

Buffy continued on, "But then all that perfect happiness ended so suddenly. And I was ripped out and placed back here. Back in this world where everything is so hard and so evil, and where there is so much suffering. And you know who did that to me? Who took me away from the place where I was most happiest and put me back in this world which I had been fighting against for 20 years? My best friends. The ones who I loved the most, especially when my mom died. They did it. Just so they didn't feel so bad anymore. Angel, I can't help but feel they were so selfish."

"They did what they did because they love you."

"Yeah. I know. But I still don't get it. I mean, why did they think I was in Hell? I was the Slayer. I was a warrior for the good side. Against evil. Yet they thought I would be banished to Hell? I just – I don't understand."

"I guess they thought that cos it was a possibility. Because you were killed by energy separating hell dimensions, that your spirit would get taken and trapped in one of those hell places. And I guess they couldn't bear to leave you trapped in Hell."

"I know they meant well, but I just can't help but feel everytime I look at one of them, especially Willow, how could they do that to me? And I look around the world and feel ... this is Hell. They brought me back to Hell. But Angel, why – why am I back?"

"Buffy, for a 100 years, I thought that my life was Hell. All I could see was the pain and the fear and the suffering around me. But then someone showed me that my endless life was worth living, that I had a purpose and that I could make a difference. And that someone was you. You once told me that to live I had to be strong. And to be strong I had to fight. And fighting was hard and painful and every day, but it's what we have to do. Buffy, I'm so sorry you were ripped out of Heaven by your friends, but you just have to keep going. Don't give up. I'm not gonna tell you that it's going to be easy, but you are going to realise why you're back. And you're gonna look at your sister and your friends and you are going to love them. Just like you've always done. You're back because – because it is not your time to go yet. You have a purpose in your life. I don't know what it is yet, but you will find out. And you will fulfill that purpose. "

After a pause of reflection, Buffy said, "You're right. Thank you, Angel. But – but how do I face them?"

"You just have to remember that they love you and that they will never abandon you. And, however hard this maybe, I think you should tell them. About where you were. 'Cause they need to know. Or else you might never forgive them."

"Yeah," said Buffy. After a few minutes of thinking about what Angel said, she said with a sigh, "The bus back will be here soon. I should probably get going. And so should you too. Before it gets light."

"Yes."

"Angel," she said suddenly, "Please can you come back with me? To Sunnydale? I just – I feel like I really need someone and you've been so good to me."

"Buffy, I don't think that's such a good idea," said Angel, shaking his head. "I mean, it doesn't work between us. And although you're feeling vulnerable and lost right now you have a life in Sunnydale with your friends and I have a different life with responsibilities in L.A."

"Oh. I get it." said Buffy coldly, letting go of Angel and clambering out of the car. "I get what you're saying."

"No, Buffy, I – it's not that I don't want to. It's just ... now is not the time. But that doesn't mean that I don't lo-"Angel stopped. With a deep breath he continued on. "Please, Buffy, don't be mad with me. I don't want us to part like this." He said as Buffy walked away from the car.

She stopped and turned round. With a sigh, she said, "Yeah, I know. You're right. Now is not the time."

Angel looked nervously up at the sky. He could smell the dawn coming. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah." She said, turning round and walking off again.

"Buffy, it's not just in Heaven. That I love you. I still love you. Just... remember that. Please."

Buffy was back on the bus, staring out of the window as the world rushed by. She was ok. Not happy by any means, but happier than she had felt in a long time. She thought about what had said and realized that he was right. It was going to be hard, to get back to her life, but she will do it eventually.

'I still love you.' His words from when they parted echoed in her mind. He still loved her. After everything they'd been through. And at least, she knew that someone loved her and would always be there for her.

So, there were still miles to go before the end. But she would get there one day. And realize everything Angel said would be true.

She was alive.

The End


End file.
